Looking back

I set down my test. I've gone over it about 10 times already and now the time comes to turn it it.

I walk down the empty hall. Leaving the classroom for the last time in 4 months.

Why don't I feel different? School is done, accomplished, at least for now. I have nothing to do for 5 days before leaving for choir tour. I can sit, relax, enjoy friendships. So why don't I feel different? Why is there something still to be done when their is no work to be accomplished. No papers to write. No tests to study for. Why is there not a feeling of euphoria? What is there still weighing down my heart?

It's time to look back, to reflect on what I did wrong this year so I don't do it next year. Time to remember the good times and the funny pictures. Maybe then, I'll see everything that's accomplished. Everything that God has done. And then, maybe then, I'll be free.

Holly and I met. After a week of choir camp, we walked to Target in the burning hot, humidity, accidentally stole a shopping cart from Target ...and had a blast.
We started meeting people throughout the freshman orientation week. There were so many new faces, so many people we thought we were going to be best friends with. Some, we are best friends with still, and some we don't talk to much at all. But God brought so many people into our lives.



Then there was UCO. We struggled to learn all the music and got lovely dresses. But we had fun. Every night before a concert we had a curler tradition where we would do each other's hair in curlers while the other one read out of the Bible (Holly had a OT class, so we always read out of there). The most memorable one, Levi was helping us, more like sitting there laughing at us, but we got to the part in Judges where the Levite's concubine is raped and murdered and cut into pieces...

Speaking of Levi...
This is how I remember him first. He was the crazy, funny, sarcastic boy from across the lawn who forgot my name but remembered that I lived in Newcastle. As time went on though...he became the man that I couldn't get enough of. God taught me a lot through him and still is teaching me, lessons that I don't necessarily want to learn anymore.
My Opa's death came suddenly and without warning. God taught me so much through that time and I believe He was beginning to teach me dependence on Him. I've found I have a problem with placing my dependence in people instead of God...not really a good idea. I miss my Opa dearly, but I know I'll see him again.
Friendship bread was a good time. My cottage has been great. It's weird sitting here without anyone else around.

I know this is random. I know it doesn't really make sense. But that's how my mind is working now. Without the pressure of school I don't really know what to think about...but though I still have a pressure in my chest, I know God will use me for his glory. I'm ready to be used. I'm ready to be dependent on Christ alone.