Tozer

So if you know me, you know that over the past year, I have become an avid A.W. Tozer fan. He's basically my favorite. Over the summer, my Bible study was on Romans 9-11. To start out, we studied that attributes of God. What was only supposed to take a week took me three...and let me tell you...it was incredible. God rocked my world with who He is and who I am in Him. As I studied each attribute of God I read the corresponding chapter in Tozer's Knowledge of the Holy. Here are some of the most amazing things I learned:

"When we try to imagine what God is like we must of necessity use that which is not God as the raw material for our minds to work on, hence whatever we visualize God to be, He is not, for we have constructed our image out of that which He has made and what He has made is not God. If we insist upon trying to imagine Him, we end with an idol, made not with hands but with thoughts; and an idol of the mind is as offensive to God as an idol of the hand" (p. 8)

"Sin has many manifestations but its essence is one. A moral being, created to worship before the throne of God, sits on the throne of his own selfhood and from that elevated position declares, 'I AM.' The essence of sin is to will one thing, for to set our will against the will of God is to dethrone God and make ourselves supreme in the little kingdom of Mansoul. This is sin at it's evil root...Man's best religious works God rejects as He rejected the offering of Cain. Only when he has restored his stolen throne to God are his works acceptable." (p. 30)

"God has charged Himself with full responsibility for our eternal happiness and stands ready to take over the management of our lives the moment we turn in faith to Him." (p. 63)

"When men no longer fear God, they transgress His laws without hesistation. The fear of consequences is no deterrant when the fear of God is gone. In olden days men of faith were said to "walk in the fear of God" and to "serve the Lord with fear." However intimate their communion with God, however bold their prayers, at the base of their religious life was the conception of God as awesome and terrible." (p. 71)

Those among many others, rocked my vision of God. We do God injustice when we think of Him as begging, fawning over his creation. Our opinion of God is so often based in our own self-worth. We "do God more honor by believing what He has said about Himself and having the courage to come boldly to the throne of grace than by hiding in self-conscious humility among the trees of the garden." (p 100) And because I see God in a way I never did before, now that I realize how often I think less of Him because I think that I should be able to understand Him...when really...I will be learning about God for ETERNITY...and even then, I will still never know God the way He knows Himself. There will be attributes of God in which I will never know anything!

How often I rob myself because of my image of God...and how much more effective could I be if I saw God truly.

Junior Year

So, apparently, I'm am most likely the worst blogger ever.
Well, let's see...
Junior year has come. Upper division classes are...hard...obviously. I don't really know why I expected anything different :)
I am having a blast though. Due to living circumstances beyond our control, two of our roommates couldn't come back, which meant we got a random transfer...but, it also means that we only have 4 living in our apartment, which is spectacular. I absolutely love my roommmate. She's basically the best, and my best friend. I've never had someone that I can truly trust...and I absolutely love her. We get each other. We serve each other. We love each other, and it's amazing.
This was on our day date to Oak Glen. It's this really cute apple farm place...kinda like the SoCal version of NorCal's Apple Valley, which obviously isn't as good, because nothing in SoCal compares to NorCal. It's the truth.

Last night was Fortuna Bowl, which is our championship intramural football games. I know it sounds lame, but it's a big deal. It's a $20,000 event the school puts on. The winners of Fortuna then go on to play the other schools around here at a tournament at Biola. My team, the Bus Drivers went...we won! Whoo!
Actually, I'm not that happy. I played like crap. I'm realizing more and more that I don't like winning when I know I'm not playing well. Two passes thrown to me I tipped and they were then intercepted...which pissed me off. But we won 7-6. And people said it was a good game. Redemption will come at Biola.
God is so good. He is teaching me and leading me in ways I could have never imagined. I'm going through Hosea again...more in depth this time. I love how Scripture interprets itself...and how it shows for the Faithfulness of God to an unfaithful and obstinate people. Which I am one of the greatest candidates. I find the closer I grow to Him, the more I need him. If I don't spend time with Him...I'm completely off the rest of the day. He's also teaching me how to love to those that are unloveable, how to accept people and their pasts, their futures, their struggles...all i need is to love them for who God is and not for who they are.

So of course it's been too long again...I suck at this.
I'm sitting in a Florida airport right now after a week in Fort Lauderdale with the family plus my new brother. Now we're waiting for the flight that will take us north to Virginia where I'll get to stay with Kendra and Greg for another week. Vacation was fun...remind me never to live in Florida: hot, humid, Miamii is like morally oppressive...but a week at the beach was very nice.

At the Kennedy Space Center
My last semester of college was rough; there was so much to do and so much happening to me I felt like Job at times, losing people I cared for, viral infections, car accidents, ect...but throughout, God was good, taking the things I had put my security in and reminding me that it is He who desires to be my all, and I, like Gomer, learned for a season, and then again forgot, pursuing my other lovers. So, God continues to take from me...and then give back...continues to break me...and then heal again.

Now, the lesson is patience and truly loving. Patience in what God has in store for me, patience in the people around me, working to exhibit the love that Christ has for me to everyone. I'm stretching to learn what it means to love when the other seems to despise you, to want good for others when they want no good for you.

I'm learning who God is, His attributes never cease to amaze and unsettle me. What am I worthy of this love? But that is the point. I am not worthy, and will never be...for God does not love me according to my merit but according to who He claims to be. His promises are structures already formed. And my future, He has already lived out. What a love, what a Savior, what a God!

Spring 2009...weird

HIIIII!!!
Well, it's now two days before the start of my second semester as a sophomore. This last semester was busy, intense, and more sometimes than I thought I would be able to handle. RAing has been an interesting experience. It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, and I haven't done as well as I would have hoped. Let me break down what I did last semester:
~18 units
~Choir
~RAing
~Intramural football
~Intramural volleyball
~Boyfriend/Friend time
My Tuesdays last semester went from 8am to 10pm straight...and this semester they'll go from 9:30am-11pm almost straight...it's pretty intense. I also was helping as much as possible with Kendra's wedding stuff...
It's been busy, but the Lord is still teaching me.
I think some of the biggest ways I've grown has been by the things the Lord is using Michael to teach me. I'm learning to become less dependent on people and more dependent on the Lord. I'm learning to let things go and not hold grudges, I'm learning to really love the way Christ loves me, I'm learning how to communicate and not always win. I've learned so much in 5 months.
I want to be my best for him, but I know that he just wants me to be myself...in doing so, who I am is made better instead of the mask I wear becoming more decorated. His character pushes me to be more like Christ in my own. I am so blessed to have had him by my side all these past months. I'm not sure yet what the Lord has in store, and I'm learning not to put hope in that. Mans steps are established by the Lord and He delights in his way.

School has started

So, I'm officially done with my third day of classes in my sophomore year of college...so weird.

My first day of classes, 3 of the 5 were cancelled! GOOD DAY! :)

My classes are good. I'm taking Intro to Sociology, Applied Movement Anatomy, Self Defense, Photojournalism, Voice Lessons, Choral Union, University Choir and Orchestra, Apologetics, Global Studies and Chapel. Full but awesome schedule.
I'm stoked about apologetics. We're going to read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins and Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis...and some others. I'm stoked!

<--These are my roommates and I on the first day of school :) Lauren is to the left and Rissa is to the right. So fun. Rissa and me -->

At Cal Bap, we have this thing called TWIRP week. It stands for: The Woman is Required to Pay. Lauren and I TWIRPed Michael and his best friend Jon to go to Magic Mountain with us. Unfortunately, we didn't take pictures of them but here's one of Lauren and I before the fact :)
<--


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And here's one of Michael and I after

Seas

6-6-08

Seas

Drowning in a sea of emotion
With these waves crashing overhead
Twenty feet under the surface
My heart has been left for dead
Clinging to a raft
A notion of a dream
Instead of letting go
And believing you rule the seas

I’m letting go of all my support
And holding on to love larger than life
Sinking into your depths
I find shelter from the strife
I long to hold on
To those things unseen
Fall captive to your grace
Must I walk on water to believe?

Call me up from this watery grave
Call me into the waves
Bid me to walk to you
You are the One who saves
I want nothing
But to lose it all to you
Find in your eyes
Strength to take me through

What's been going on...

So, I know that since I got this thing I haven't been very good about keeping you all very well informed so...where to begin.

SUMMER:

I began summer with choir tour. 3 weeks with a bunch of choir kids and not a lot of down time was definitely a stretching experience for me. I learned a lot about myself. God revealed new things to me every day, which was pretty amazing and kept me going. By the end of tour my voice was gone and my spirits were soaring as the plane took off for home. Finally I would have some down time...finally I could relax

Or could I?

I was accepted as the "Summer Servant" at the LIFEhouse Church. At first my job was to get ready for the new youth pastor. I spent the weeks doing whatever needed to be done for anyone who needed it done :)

Then came Hume Lake. One of the most stretching times of my life. The Lord forced me to rely on Him in everything that I did. I got amazing time with my girls and really began to understand the turmoil of this generation, which was hard for me to grasp, but also necessary if I want to teach high school in the future. I also got time to spend with our new youth pastor Brian Neuenschwander. I'll say this: everything I would have wanted in a youth pastor and everything that I could have every prayed for, he is and more...basically...I LOVE him and am so excited to see what he's going to do.

Also at Hume, I met people from my church down in SoCal. I go to the most amazing church, Kindred Community. It "just so happens" that one of the groups of guys from Kindred was on my team, led by a man named Michael Simons. More about him will come later :)

The rest of the summer was spent getting to know Brian and helping him get adjusted to Rocklin. I was truly blessed to be able to work under him and learn from him. I was drastically pushed to continue to make the Lord my Stay (my favorite name of God from Psalms).

SCHOOL:

I got back early for RA training. My parents helped me move in and went to church with me.

RA training was a lot. There wasn't a whole lot of time for down time. I love my group of girls though, and I got to know a lot of new people. I'm excited to see what God will do and I know He has been preparing me for this year.

MICHAEL:

Michael, from Hume had kept in touch with me and he came and helped me move in. He asked me on a date and then the next night...and the next night.

About a week later, he asked me to be his first girlfriend.

Now, men, before you get your shotguns ready, let me tell you about him :) He's basically amazing. We'll just make a list.
~He's 21
~Loves the LORD more than he could ever love anyone else
~Athletic
~Plays guitar, piano and sings
~Business major at Cal State Fullerton
~He's a man defined by his character
~His decisions aren't based or effected by emotion...like mine :)
~Patient
~Kind
~Self sacrificing
~Puts others before himself

And anything I didn't say...you can find out when we come home in September for my sister's birthday :)